


Swedish Fish

by MemesByTheFoot



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, Soulmates, just to clarify, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8366515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemesByTheFoot/pseuds/MemesByTheFoot
Summary: soulmate AU where everything tastes like swedish fish until u meet ur soulmate and everything starts tasting like normal fish.this is a joke like everything else i make





	

**Author's Note:**

> Something is Fishy Here. I Smell The Fishy.

McCree dug into his breakfast, a heaping plate of grits, chicken fried steak, and idk something else southern. He relished the taste, a familiar one that was similar to cherry but not quite. Ever since he was born, everything tasted like this, as it did with everyone. It was a curse, albeit a delicious one. McJagger was one of the lucky ones, one of the ones who enjoyed the taste of the chewy, crimson, fish-shaped candy. He had friends who hated every second of their lives because of the taste. The whole world experienced this taste, until they met their soulmate, which hardly ever happened. McCerr heard tales of those who met their soulmate: some said that they tasted nothing at all, other said everything just tasted like their soulmate.

McQueen was happy to live his life like this, biting into foods and tasting the same thing each time.

Genji walked up to McCar.

"Hey Fucknut, My Brother Is Going To Be Here Soon," he said. Genji capitalized everything he said, which McFucker found weird at first but now it was endearing. "He Is Very Angsty So Do Not Flirt With Him."

McChard smirked. He was totes mcgotes going to flirt the fuck out of Genji's brother. McChurn smirked, the corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. Genji rolled his eyes at the smirking man, walking away. McChin smirked.

 

* * *

 

Hanzo didn't want to be here. Overwatch was  _so_ overrated, he just wanted to murder people to repent but his fucking brother insisted upon an actual redemption arc so he was stuck in this airplane on his way to the watchpoint at Gibraltar. Fucking Genji. Goddamnit. Hanzo took a bite of the airplane food. It tasted like Swedish Fish. He smiled at the familiar taste, but then wiped the smile off his face when he remembered that he had to keep up his strong silent type persona up. 

When he landed, a chauffeur was waiting for him at the airport, holding up a sign reading "brother-killing asshole". Hanzo smirked. He had ordered the chauffeur under that name. He followed the man into the limousine.

* * *

 

When Hanzo arrived, Genji ran to give him a hug. He almost did, but Hanzo jumped like 10 feet into the fucking air and sprinted away like Usain Bolt or something before Genji could get his arms around him. Genji tried to cry but his tear ducts didn't work anymore because he cried so much that they fell out. Genji was sad inside.

McCrud jangled his way to Genji, spurs jangling as he jangled.

"Well pardner, arent ya in a pickle if I do say so myself and I do say so," McFuck gayed. "You best go talk to your brother, or my name ain't Jesse Pinkman Heisenberg Walter White Mccree."

Genji nodded in agreement, head hung low because he was sad inside. "I Should Probably Talk To My Shithole Of A Brother, You Are Correct."

Genji approached Hanzo's quarters, to go talk to his shithole of a brother. He opened the door to find Hanzo sitting on the edge of the top bunk like he was a fucking gargoyle or something, his eyes focused on the wall in front of him as he crouched in a gargoyle position.  _Great,_ thought Genji.  _He's been eating green beans again_.

"Brother, What The Fuck Bro," asked Genji.

"Hmph," grunted Hanzo, grunting.

Genji rolled his eyes, but Hanzo couldn't tell because Genji was half robot due to that one time Hanzo tried to fucking slaughter him. Ah, the glory days.

"We Need To Talk," ejaculated Gengar.

"We need to do no such thing," replied Hanzo, looking away because he couldn't bear the sight of his brother who he tried to brutally murder that one time. Youth is a wonderful thing.

Genji sighed. "At Least Eat Dinner With Us, Famalam," sighed Genji.

"Fine," screeched Hanzo.

* * *

 

Hanzo sat down in between his brother and a man with the stupidest fucking hat he had ever seen in his life. Like, really, who could  _possibly_ be that tacky? A hat like that was never okay. Ever. What the hell was this guy trying to prove with his shitty headwear? That he doesn't care about his appearance? Because clearly he did, he just had the worst fucking taste in the history of mankind. Who told him that hat was a good idea? Did someone jokingly say " _ha, you know what would be great? wearing this hat_ " and then this man took them seriously and bought the fucking cowboy hat? Was he doing this to mess with everyone? Was it a combat strategy? Did he confuse the enemy with his shitty fashion sense? What could have possibly possessed this guy to do this?

Hanzo was interrupted from his train of thought by a voice next to him.

"Howdy, newcomer, the name's McCree. You can call me Jesse," McShit drawled gayly. He held out a hand for Hanzo to shake. Hanzo didn't take it, he had to establish dominance socially by rejecting peer advancements in order to feel like he had any sort of power over his life. 

"Hello," Hanzo replied. He took a bite of his food, only to taste something so utterly unfamiliar that he immediately spit it out. Everyone around him took notice, wondering what was wrong with the man. They all judged him pretty hard, their first impression of Hanzo was seeing him, a grown-ass man, spit out his food like a child. Pretty gross, if you ask me.

Hanzo cleared his throat and tried again. Maybe he was imagining it. He took a bite, and the food tasted the same. It tasted like someone took a stale piece of bread, soaked it in seawater, and drizzled some piss on it. Pretty gross, if you ask me. He downed the bite with a shudder, and everyone looked away from him.  _Oh no,_ thought the dragon boi.  _I met my soulmate, and its one of these fucknuts. And now everything tastes like fucking piss. This is worse than that time I murdered my brother in cold blood._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this. i'm not gonna have the next one up for a while cuz i have a trip but that's probably for the better tbh. if you want more shitposting check out my other fic.


End file.
